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­­­When I was 17, a friend and I promised to lose our virginity within the year.

We saw sex glamorized on TV and in music and heard popular peers talking about it as an amazing experience. I believed And so I lost my virginity to a stranger.

Neither choice at all easy or desirable, I felt trapped. By the time I got my period that month, my “experimenting” with casual sex was officially over.Barring that, “taking a step back from being sexually active for even a weekend—or as long as a semester, as one of my students did—can be extraordinarily empowering.” If only young people’s problems could be solved by getting a significant other (or, presumably, a masturbatory aid).First of all, students on college campuses aren’t actually hooking up that much.Hookup culture, we hear, is demeaning women and wreaking havoc on our ability to establish stable, fulfilling relationships. Writing in 1957, the author Nora Johnson raised an eyebrow at promiscuity on college campuses, noting that “sleeping around is a risky business, emotionally, physically, and morally.” Since then, the critiques of casual sexual behavior have only proliferated, even as society has ostensibly become more socially liberal.Last year, the anthropologist Peter Wood went so far as to call the rise of casual sex “an assault on human nature,” arguing in an article in the conservative article from 2012, “Boys on the Side,” Hanna Rosin urged women to avoid serious suitors so that they could focus on their own needs and careers.

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The idea of the 21st century woman making her own sexual narrative sounded enticing. The real clincher seems so cliche in retrospect: the women who had no-strings-attached sex enjoyed enviable celebrity among men. I think I met the guy at a theme park, and I invited him to meet me at a club. He was concerned and called the next day to see if I was okay. I remember feeling smug about it, as if in successfully caring less than him I had somehow “won” the game.

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